An existential dilemma

Game art is impeccable. It is the highest standard of art that I can comprehend in any form of education. Granted, I am incredibly biased and have a linear judgement in terms of art and it's education. Game art is hard. You walk in on the first day, that's what you'll hear. Because it has to be. You have to be independent. It's no longer spoon fed to you; information to pass through a non subjective tick box like art was considered to be. Which is good because I never ticked those boxes. I always wanted to do my own thing. That's where I considered myself as a person. I realised I had a brain and that my thoughts have meaning. So, after floating along through college for several years feeling mentally dulled and generally unhappy with this children's concept of how art should be taught, I left. The next day, poof. Gone. I stayed at home writing up CVs and considering absurd ideas like being a chef. So at this point I have something like ten GCSEs and no A levels with no plan of ever attaining any of them. I get a phone call from my media teacher pleading me to come back. Telling me I'm still booked in for the exam and everything. They had no idea that I had left. Beyond art not being considered by me to be taught correctly, my other subject choices led me to depart. I don't consider in any world it applicable for an artist to study geography. Not A-level geography anyway. It holds no relevance to art and very little relevance to what you'd perceive geography to be about. Kind of similar to how religious education was taught. A sort of subject made up from nonsense and textbooks and complete questions one to six in your best handwriting and underline the date. It's not education.

So after realising a job was damn near impossible to achieve, I looked at different university courses. Games I'm thinking, I like games. And art. They said, we'll let you in with this many ucas points. 'This many' being too many for under educated Chris. I looked into a foundation course which if I passed, I would be allowed onto game art. This foundation course wanted an A-level and to be a certain age as requirement. I have no A-levels and I'm seventeen. Seventeen was under the age. I get a phone call saying they'll let me in with AS-levels. I stroll back into college, untouchable knowing I'm out of here. Sort of 'see you later nerds'. I didn't go to geography because I was the boss. I passed all my courses with Bs I think, half heartedly in effort. Foundation art and design at DMU offers me a place at the age of seventeen. I had to grow a personality rather quickly to survive. I was just this shy character. A loner. Purposely of course, I like to be alone. That was sucked right out of me and I had red hair and drank caramel lattes and wore boots. And then everyone left. And I remain. Although, it was lovely to see a few familiar faces. Even if they were just a few. And now all I do is art. I can't do anything more. I can write an eloquent sentence I guess, but it's just so dull. So everyday I draw, striving to learn everything about everything just to replicate it's ideas into my own. Into something that translates into something that can give me a pay check. But it's so much more than that. I'm seeing colours everywhere, just earlier I was cutting my steak into the topology of an eye socket. I can't say I enjoy it nor do I hate it. It's who I am and I am content with it, within reason.